I kneel down and desperately want to know you more.

I feel that I'm at a dead end right now. Life has become so routine. My dreams seem to have faded and my inspiration on hold. I'm desperate for you God. I'm desperate to know you in a more intimate way. I'm desperate to know the deepest desires of your heart. What do you want for my life? Where are you sending me? I'm falling down before you in need of your greatness to consume me; your beauty to blind me; your hope to define me; your forgiveness to cover me; your hands to protect me; your majesty to humble me. I stand in wonder of who you are. I so want to know you more. Teach me, mold me, and make me look more like you. Help me to let go of the things in my life that are not pleasing to you. Help me to surrender to you. Heal me of past wounds. Let me be renewed. Help me to let go of my fears. My fears of mediorocricy. Give me a new hope. Surface my dreams and let them be centered around you. Let your beauty and grace inspire me to be more like you. Let them inspire me to do the things that draw me nearer to you. Let the inspiration overflow me and consume the life around me. In everything I am and in everything I am not, let my life be inspired by you.

The cry of my heart....

I often find inspiration to write from music. Today I find inspiration from a song by Hillsong.. from the inside out. There have been many times in my life that I've felt separated from God or felt like I can't feel his presence. During those times I usually start reading the bible more or trying to journal more, but nothing changes and my journal entries are usually dull. The pastor of our church has said something several times but it just now is really getting to my heart. If you want a change in your relationship with God it has to come from the heart. You can put anything you want on paper but it isn't always true. However your heart never lies. What you feel inside is usually what drives your emotions and love. When you see God a certain way it drives your emotions that way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your realtionship with God must start as a love realtionship, because when you realize how much God loves you and you drive your relationship with God by the love in your heart, you will see a difference in that relationship. Much like the song says.... from the inside out, Lord my soul cries out. A change within your heart will lead to a change in you completely. How can someone completely in love with the Savior of this world not want to smile, worship, praise, be joyful, be loving, and generally have a purpose in their life.
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise, from the inside out.
Let this praise start in your heart. Remember who God is. He is a God of love. He defines love. He is love. He is everything that is good and pure. He is your daddy. He is your friend. He is everything that is missing in your life. He fills the hole in your heart. If you don't see God in this way you are definately missing out on what God has to offer you.
Everyone needs compassion
Everyone needs forgiveness
The forgiveness of a savior
This is what my God has for you... what he desperately wants to give you. When you are in need, he is there. He sees every hurt and fear. He knows what is unfair in your life.
Surrender to the love in your heart. Surrender everything to God.

The Shack

If you haven't read The Shack I so encourage you to.

A few quotes from the book that I love...

"He (the man in the book, or us rather) embraces even the darker shades of life as part of some incredibly rich and profound tapestry; crafted masterfully by invisible hands of love."

"He's hoping for a revolution, one of love and kindness- a revolution that revolves around Jesus Christ

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfall- Psalm 42

In church this week our pastor took the opportunity to encourage us to go deeper in our relationships with God. He said "something deep in the heart of God reaches something deep in the heart of man." I've realized day after day that only God can satisfy my need to be accepted, my longing for purpose and my desperate desire to be unconditionally loved. Only God can satisy these things because we are eternal beings and only God can satisfy our thirst for eternity. It made me really look at my life and all the things I try before allowing God to satisfy me. I attempt to allow money, clothes and earthly relationships to fulfill me and end up disappointed. But on those days when I am desperate and on my knees, when I'm disappointed or upset, and I allow myself to open up to God completely, I find myself satisfied in a way I could never have imagined. It's better than money or clothes. It's eternal and everlasting love and fulfillment. God gives us a purpose. He accepts us and he loves us more than anyone can. So I encourage you to give God your everything. Spend unhurried time each day with God. You can fall on your knees or you can stand with joy and praise Him. You will find yourself loved and fulfilled with the most amazing purpose you have ever experienced.

The more I seek you....

One of my favorite songs...

The more I seek you
the more I find you,
the more I find you,
the more I love you.

I want to sit at your feet,
drink from the cup in your hands,
lay back against you and breathe,
feel your heartbeat.

This love is so great.
It's more than I can stand.
I melt in your grace,
it's overwhelming.

Feed me your word that I might trust in your goodness

Something I often struggle with is feeling that my life is not a light to others. I feel broken and desperate at the thought that I don't often witness to the unsaved or share together with other Christians. So, as the new year begins, I've decided to commit to writing in this blog as much as possible, and maybe somehow my struggles and fears and praises and experiences with God will encourage others. At that....

This year I am reading through the one year bible. While at first feeling discouraged knowing that what I read each day is already planned out for me and not a daily new find, it has been a true blessing. I have many favorite books in the bible and I find that I often end up day after day in these books. By reading through the one year bible I am finding verses that I may otherwise never have stumbled upon or dared to dive into. One of the verses from today really struck me.

Proverbs 2: 16-
For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him. Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will know how to find the right course of action every time. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise planning will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.

My favorite part is... for wisdom will enter your heart!! That just reminds me how much I need to be in His word on a daily basis. He chose to speak to us through His word and I find that my decisions are so much more rational when I listen for His voice through His word. He speaks wisdom into our hearts that we may have knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly!!! He protects those who walk with integrity and who are faithful to Him. I know that the only way I walk with integrity is through His grace and understanding and through the knowledge He grants me through His word. And with this wisdom I gain, I can hope for understanding and grace toward others. I can ask for His patience to be shown through me. I can be certain that I will be a light shinning for HIM!! But only by His wisdom that enters my heart through His word!

May His word show you the right course of action when times are hard, when decisions are painful and when all your hope seems to be missing. May you be filled with joy by the wisdom He grants us to make these decisions and face painful situations. It is a true blessing!